Money-laundering – confessions in view of the Panama Papers

Note: This blog-post was written by a guest-blogger who prefers to remain anonymous (read below and you will see why).

It seems that the Panama papers have taken the world by a storm:

A giant leak of more than 11.5 million financial and legal records exposes a system that enables crime, corruption and wrongdoing, hidden by secretive offshore companies.
International Consortium of Investigative Journalists

The Panama Papers have exposed how some of the world’s most powerful people may have used offshore bank accounts and shell companies to conceal their wealth or avoid taxes.
The papers … identify international politicians, business leaders and celebrities involved in webs of suspicious financial transactions. The revelations have raised questions about secrecy and corruption in the global financial system.
The New York Times

Authorities across the world are being spurred into action after a huge leak of confidential documents revealed how tax havens are used to hide wealth.

The international scandal is very real and is intensifying. Thus, I feel compelled to admit my own involvement in shady money-laundering operations. Although I cannot claim any connections with the rich and powerful, such as top politicians, celebrities, heads of international organizations, etc., it is a bit self-flattering that I might count myself in the ranks of those involved. Also, in the present climate, it seems that any attempt to conceal such activities might be futile. It may not take long until some group of investigative journalists uncovers my dubious activities. Although I did not have any deliberate intentions for wrong-doing, that is obviously no excuse for the activity that took place. Thus, in a preemptive stike, I choose to confess and bring to light the exact facts of the matter.

My involvement was brief but significant. I remember it quite vividly, as it occurred only just a few days before the scandal broke out. At this point I will not disclose where the operations took place or who were my accomplices. The major article involved was a good pair of jeans. At that time, I carefully emptied the pockets, taking out the usual contents – keys, wallet, a pencil and a cellphone. My accomplice deposited the jeans in the washing machine, with some similar such articles. This activity was performed without assistance of any mediating law firms or international banks – a fact that might have contributed to the outcome being much less spectacular than those revealed in the Panama papers.

Upon completion of the washing cycle, the jeans were transferred to the dryer. It is only at this point we have discovered a strange presence. A suspicious banknote of 1 (one) dollar denomination suddenly manifested itself in the drum of the machine. We fished the bill from the drum and examined it carefully. It was squeaky clean, and maybe because of that, it looked rather unfamiliar. George Washington’s face smiled very disapprovingly from the note’s center. It seemed he did not enjoy the experience at all. We should have known that it was not quite right, but this was not the end of the operation yet.

Upon completion of the drying cycle, another note manifested itself in the drum. This one seemed even cleaner than the previous one. It looked as if it was just recently printed, while at the same time it was soft, but not crumpled. A careful investigation of the dryer revealed yet another one-dollar banknote, as clean and refreshed as the other two. Without any doubt, the premeditated laundering operation has brought out very clean money. However, my hopes of finding more unexpected laundered money went unfulfilled.

With this, I conclude my confession on the subject of involvement in money-laundering operations.

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